Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
