Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
