just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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