i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
