so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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