I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
