i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
