tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
