please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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