My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
