Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
In America we eat man semen.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
