It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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