Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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