My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
