from now on my penis is your penis
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
