Fuck appropriateness.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
