i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
