Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
