i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
