it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You're a waste of cheezeits
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
