Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize