Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
