I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
