Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
