I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize