she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
