Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
