So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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