After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
