Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
