take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
