i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
