You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
