That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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