the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize