So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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