yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
