How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
