He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
