U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
