She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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