I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
