the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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