He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
