well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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