I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
