he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
