Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
