you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
