No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
