This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
