ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
