Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize