At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
