There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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