She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
