My brain says no but my pants say off.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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