Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
