we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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