Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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