Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I didn't notice because vodka
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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