Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
40s are totally the cure
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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