I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
