so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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