Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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