with your own penis?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
