My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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